British Artists & How to Deal with Rumination

British Invasion! Not really, but songs by Brits, plus how to deal with worrying and rumination. And a 4-part exercise that can help keep worrying at bay. Also, a story about fire ants and Phantom of the Opera (??) - it all works together, I promise.

Songs in this episode:
Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader,
You Do Something To Me by Paul Weller,
Worried About Ray by The Hooisers.

keywords: Rumination, Overthinking, Negative thinking loops, Worrying, Mental health, Positive mindset, Anxiety relief, Music for mental health, Trauma recovery, Breaking mental patterns, Mindfulness strategies, Coping with social anxiety, Self-doubt solutions, Emotional well-being.

Say hi on Instagram @positively_chill

Transcript

Hi, friends. Thank you for joining me. I’m Danielle. If you’re new to Positively Chill, if this is your first episode, each week I pick a few songs with impactful music lyrics and discuss their relationship to mental health challenges. I hope it helps you discover some new music you wouldn’t normally listen to, gain some insights on mental health challenges and maybe soak up some good vibes.

Housekeeping, first. Just a reminder to rate, review and/or subscribe to the podcast, if you haven’t already. Please and thank you. Before I jump into this episode, I am going to bring it back to last week’s episode for a minute. For those who didn’t listen - well… why not? Huh? Why didn’t you listen?? I’m kidding. But also, go listen. Anyway, it was about manifesting and I just want to add something, since I didn't explicitly say it in the episode, in no way do I believe that you can just think/wish/manifest something into reality. If that were the case, we'd all be millionaires with private jets or a lifetime supply of cheese (specific? yes. the thing I'd manifest? also, yes). What I am saying is that manifesting can be a way to focus your thoughts, attention and energy into a goal, one that you will need to put in the work to achieve. I am not saying manifesting is some free ride or easy way out; on the contrary, I'm saying if you're ready to put in the work to achieve a goal or change your life, these tools *can* be one way to focus your mind. That's it. I just wanted to clarify for anyone who was like “what is this hippy dippy bullsh*t she is spouting?” And hey, you may still think manifesting and visualizations is hippy dippy, but this podcast is about giving you tools, giving suggestions, helping you find ways to control and improve your mental health and life, so I’m putting it all out there. You can take it or leave it.

Anyway, let’s jump into the episode. 

So I did something that I haven’t done before when I was trying to pick some songs, because I was going for a specific theme which… I gave up on. I may still do it in the future but it felt so specific. Anyway, first, I went to ChatGPT and…. I know it has a ton of uses but music is not one of them. I ran one query and was like… “what… was that?” Also, did you know that one query uses 1,248 MWh (Megawatt-hours) which is 15 times more energy than a Google search query. And yes, I did have to Google MWh so I used energy to figure out what kind of energy is used. Very meta. Anyway, it means Megawatt-hour which is the metric used to measure. And AI also uses water - don’t ask me how. Your girl loves science but not that much. I refuse to understand this. But anyway, ChatGPT uses a quarter of a gallon per 40–100 queries. So basically every time you run a query, you dump out a bottle of water. I know it’s not the same. Don’t come at me. But you know… Anyway, so useless and crazy energy consumption. Like I said, good for some things but definitely not music. I am excited for all the future use cases I keep hearing about with AI creating music, but I guess I will believe it when I see it. So after that waste of 3 minutes, I decided to do something else I haven’t done yet and just played Russian Roulette with Youtube Music and that was fun… and also very time consuming. I ended up going down some wild rabbit holes, but I did find some songs for this episode. 

First song, Dancing the Moonlight by Toploader. This is a cover of the King Harvest original song. The original is a banger too, but I have been listening to the Toploader version. The lyrics are somewhat basic, but I love the idea of everyone dancing in the moonlight. I went to a wedding once in Joshua Tree and it was at a beautiful, boutique hotel, and there were all these twinkle lights - like Christmas lights - strung between the trees and that was the only light, except for the moon and stars, which were insane because we were so far from any other light. Far from civilization. And this song reminds me of that night, just being under the moon and stars, dancing around, having a great time with friends. It’s so simple but such a nice memory. I also remember I took my shoes off because I was in heels and they were not conducive to dancing, and little did I know but the sand, which was the dance floor, was infested with red ants. So that was cool. I had to stand on my date’s feet, like I was a child with her dad. Not such a great memory…

Anyway, when I was researching Toploader, I went down a rabbit hole (again) and someone compared them to Paul Weller and, holy sh*t, I haven’t thought about him in so, so long. A long time ago, I lived and worked in Washington, DC. It was my first job out of college and my cubemate (yes, I shared a cubicle) listened to Virgin Radio UK, not really sure why exactly… although now that I think of it, she did move to London and has lived there for a long time so maybe she was doing some sort of foreshadowing. Anyway, Paul Weller used to play all the time on Virgin Radio UK along with other UK artists that I had never heard of at the time, like Kate Bush, KT Tunstall and Lily Allen. It was an eclectic group of artists, for sure. So when I saw Paul Weller’s name while researching Toploader, I squealed. Not sure why. It was a weird reaction. But I was so excited!

So, in honor of Virgin Radio UK, next song is You Do Something To Me by Paul Weller. This song has a bit of a folk sound, but also a bit of classic rock. There is this downward chord progression at the end of the chorus that is so cool. It’s like “eh. Yes, paul.” The electric guitar adds this little twang to the song, and the piano gets louder on the last chorus. The chord progression almost sounds like something out of Phantom of the Opera. Y’all, stay with me. You’re like “is she having a stroke?” No. No I’m not. Listen to the song and you will know what I mean. Random but you will be like “Yea. Yea. She’s right.” Phantom of the Opera remains my favorite musical of all time, and if you haven’t seen it, then you really won’t know what the hell I am talking about. Only matched by Les Miserable. I am making it sound like I am some musical theater fan but I am actually not. I am going to say something very controversial. Some of you may gasp. Some of you may not care. But likely none of you will agree. I didn’t like Hamilton. There I said it. Well, not that I didn’t like it, I just didn’t think it lived up to the hype. I sat in the front row, very front row because I had won the ticket lottery and… just didn’t see what the fuss was about. So there, I said it. And you know what? I feel better about it. I also don’t like Beyoncé. What?! Gasps all around on that one. I just don’t like her music. She is gorgeous and an amazing dancer but I just don’t like her music. We all have someone. My best friend’s controversial pick is JLo. Although I don’t think that’s as polarizing as Beyoncé. But she can’t stand JLo. We debate these things all the time. And she likes musical theater too so… somehow we are friends. We have the same sense of humor so I guess that makes up for it. How I went from Phantom of the Opera to JLo, I don’t know.  The stuff that goes through my head at any given moment, I feel like I’m not responsible for it. 

Anyway, the lyrics I like are:

You do something wonderful

Then chase it all away

Mixing my emotions

That throws me back again

Hanging on the wire

I’m waiting for the change

I’m dancing through the fire

Just to catch the flame

Unrequited love and the emotional turmoil that comes with it, right? The duality of joy and pain, the push and pull of it. I especially like the last three lines. “I’m waiting for the change, I’m dancing through the fire, just to catch the flame.”  It hits on that mix of hoping for something new while also stressing about what might happen when it comes. It's that feeling of wanting things to shift, but also kind of worrying about what the change will bring.

So let’s talk about worrying for a minute. Worrying about our everyday life can be helpful. It shows us what’s important to us - we wouldn’t worry about something that is not valuable or important - and can also be a motivator. I am worried about a presentation that I have to give for work next week and worrying is going to motivate me to work on my slides, rehearse, think about any potential questions, etc. Being prepared leads to confidence which can take away fear and worry.

There are a lot of things that are happening in the world right now that have never happened before - at least the modern world has not experienced it or maybe the Western world has not experienced it. Things like a pandemic, things like a political insurrection, global warming, presidential assassination attempts, school shootings, freedoms for women and marginalized groups, potential nuclear war - ok, I may be going off the deep end and I’m not trying to add to your list of sh*t to worry about, but these are the truths.

And because these are things we’ve haven’t experienced, our brains doesn’t know how to react or process these things, which can lead to greater worry and anxiety. The range of outcomes is so wide and big that we aren’t sure even where to focus our worry. It’s impossible to not worry. There are insanely unprecedented threats. You can take them seriously but in a way to move you forward, that allows your anxiety and worrying to be controllable to some extent. 

I have talked about this before, numerous times, specifically when talking about anxiety. Having a label or a word for what you’re feeling can be so helpful. Sometimes the same emotion can make us feel differently, we have different physical reactions to it. If you’re anxious, you may one time feel hot and tense, and the next time you feel your heart racing and maybe have some brain fog. It’s the same emotion that you’re feeling. So labeling it and knowing what is happening can really help combat that feeling. Labeling an emotion in the moment can reduce the amygdala in the brain, the alarm bell, and stimulate the frontal cortex which is the executive functioning part of the brain. And that’s your only science lesson this episode. Some of you, I hear a silent rejoice. It’s ok. I’m not offended.

So, worrying… how do we deal with it? First off, before we get into that, let’s differentiate worrying and rumination. There are many different definitions for rumination, all of which share the common experience of repetitive, intrusive, negative cognitions. Some of these definitions are narrow. For example, the definition of depressive rumination suggests that the focus of rumination is on one's own depressive symptoms. Other definitions are very broad. Clinically, rumination is defined as a maladaptive, repetitive focus on one's distress and the potential causes and consequences of that distress, and the constant negative emotions prolongs the distress. The key word there is maladaptive. I have talked about this before, specifically in the context of coping strategies (ep10 if you want to go back). I really like this word. Instead of saying “I’m bad at” or “I don’t know how to do that” or “I’m sh*t at that,” you can say maladaptive, which implies that it doesn’t lead to any problem solving or resolution. So it’s just like stewing in it. But I like that because it gives us a clear idea of what needs to happen. It’s not just black and white, like I am good or bad. To me that seems to imply that nothing will change, I’m bad at XZY and that’s it. But if you look at it as just having maladaptive strategies, to me, that implies that if I adjust my strategies, I will be able to problem solve better and address the root cause. Maybe it’s semantics, maybe it’s just me & in my head, but I like that subtle differentiation. 

So rumination seems to be the more intense version of worrying, but both are similar. And both have ways to address them. Some of the solutions are as simple as distraction. Go for a walk, call a friend, go workout. Whatever to get our mind off of it. But if you’re like me, that’s like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound. So what are the more logical, long-lasting ways to become adaptive and resilient to worrying. 

For me, the key to keeping worrying and rumination at bay - not getting rid of it completely because no one can, but keeping it at a manageable level - is being able to trust myself and being confident that I can overcome. Knowing that I have faced these situations before and haven’t collapsed into a ball of anxiety or fear. Knowing that I survived and thrived, despite all the worrying. So here is what I do. Come up with a list of 1) what’s the worst case scenario, 2) what’s the best case scenario, 3) what are action items that are attainable, 4) what are action items that are likely not attainable.

Part of this exercise is to scale down the problem; when the problem gets bigger, we feel more helpless. For example, how am I, as some random person in the US with no experience in environmental studies or anything related to science, going to solve climate change? Well, I’m not. And that can lead to this  feeling of helplessness. But first, I have to remind myself that people who are far smarter than me are working on this problem, around the globe. So then it becomes, what can I do, in my life, to feel like I am moving forward and not stuck in these thoughts? Can I donate money, can I plant a tree, can I vote for a candidate who has a focus on climate change? How can I give myself - or not give myself but how can I find a sense of agency? Not everyone is that worried about climate change - I am using that as an example, but I hope you get the point. 

Also, just a reminder from your friendly podcaster… You don’t have to claim everything you feel. When you breathe in fresh air, it becomes part of you, fueling your body. But when the wind brushes against you, it passes by and is gone. Similarly, thoughts can be embraced or allowed to drift away. Is this thought like a deep breath, giving you strength? Or is it more like a passing breeze? You can feel the breeze, but you don’t have to hold onto it. You can let a thought pass, and soon enough, calm will return.

Last song, another British band, this time a pop-rock band. The song is Worried About Ray by The Hooisers. This was one of the bands that I discovered in my game of Russian Roulette. Nothing profound here in the lyrics. It’s just a poppy, upbeat song that I want to end on. It’s fun and upbeat, and after talking about worrying and rumination, I felt like I needed something light. That’s it. Nothing too deep on this one. 

Like in the previous episodes, I’d like to end with an affirmation. If it feels good to repeat the affirmation aloud - if that’s part of your journey - then do so, otherwise please just listen. The affirmation will be at the end.

Stop accepting apologies that are not accompanied by changed behavior. You deserve more than empty words and hollow promises. Real growth and genuine remorse are demonstrated through actions, not just apologies. Recognize your worth and set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being. Trust yourself to recognize the difference between genuine change and mere words. You are worthy of respect, care, and authenticity in all your interactions.

The affirmation is: I am worthy of respect, care and authenticity in all of my interactions. 

That’s it. That’s the episode. If you liked this episode or any episode, please subscribe, rate and/or review. Please and thank you. If you’d like to connect with me, send me a note on IG at @positively_chill. I’d love to hear from you.

Remember, be kind to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the people you love. And remember, you can do hard things. And, of course, please stay chill.