New Wave, burnout & the need for rest

In this episode, I discuss New Wave songs, burnout, healing from trauma, and the need for rest, without apologies. Listen to me try to tie in all these themes to music :) Hope you will listen and chill out.

Songs in this episode:
Psycho Killer by Talking Heads,
Dance Hall Days by Wang Chung,
Just Like Heaven by The Cure

Say hi on Instagram @positively_chill

Transcript

Welcome to the Positively Chill podcast. I’m Danielle. Thank you for joining me. If you are new to Positively Chill, each week I explore impactful lyrics, mental health insights, and strategies for a positive mindset. I hope it helps you unwind and soak up some good vibes. 

I spent the week - well not the whole week, that’d be bonkers - but a lot of time this week picking my summer concert schedule. I am still working on my list but so far I have gotten tickets to Alanis Morissette (go back to episode 5, please), Foo Fighters (I can’t believe I haven’t talked about them yet, I will) and System of a Down (go back to the last episode). System of a Down is playing at Golden Gate Park which is in San Francisco, on the northeast side of the city, right on the water, and a venue that doesn’t have a ton of concerts there, but it’s a great location… and there’s a ferris wheel. I am not sure why I am so excited about that. There are multiple ferris wheels in San Fran, and also I don’t love heights, so I am not sure why I’m excited about that, but I am. They are playing with Deftones, another heavy metal band, who, honestly, is not my favorite, but I really want to see System of a Down so I’m going. Also, haven’t gotten tickets yet, but Green Day is playing at Oracle Park, which is such a killer venue, right on the water in San Fran. And the Smashing Pumpkins are opening for them. And the Rolling Stones are playing nearby but luckily for my wallet, I will not be in town on that day otherwise I would have to get tickets. I’d be required to as an upstanding citizen. And I have been toying with the idea of going to Lolapoolza in August. It would require a flight and hotel and all of that, and after dropping a lot of money already on just 3 shows, I am not sure I can do it. Help me, I’m poor. But maybe I will be irresponsible and do it anyway. YOLO, right? Are they kids still saying that? I am a firm believer that spending money on experiences - especially live music with your friends or family or the people you love - is such a better way to spend money than on things. You will have memories, and if you’re like me, way too many photos and videos from that night too.  

Today’s episode, the theme is New Wave. I was hoping to do a guest episode this week, but alas, technical difficulties took me out again. You would like after 4 years of everything being on Zoom and everyone working remotely and having home offices that we could figure out how to record in different locations, but we, uh, could not. Just two grown-ass adults, not able to figure out technology and then giving up to goof around, making fart noises into the mic. Who knew that Googling it the night before wouldn’t be enough? Not me. It’s like college all over again. But I will figure it out! I have faith in myself. One of the things that I love about doing this podcast is that it’s out of my comfort zone, out of my wheelhouse and I am learning new things. Sometimes as adults we forget to keep learning. We know what we need to do for our job or our community or in our family dynamic - we know where we fit it and what’s needed of us, which is great. But learning is required to grow. If we have a growth mindset, meaning that we’re willing to try something new and be bad at something and get out of our comfort zone, then we grow. It requires constantly pushing, requires us to put in the work. It’s like a bike vs. e-bike - both are bikes and both get you from A to B, but a regular bike requires you to push the pedals continuously. The e-bike will let you coast along and get to the same endpoint. Anyway, I’m trying something new, something different. And I have to tell myself, don’t be afraid to be seen trying. Everyone has started something from ground zero. People can see you in your "trying era." And give yourself more credit for all the small and subtle ways you've grown. It matters more than you realize. 

By the way, here is a friendly PSA about e-bikes and e-scooters. I live in a major city that has them for rent at every street corner and those things are dangerous as hell, especially if you’ve had a few drinks. I have a friend, who will not be named for reasons you will soon find out, who ended up in the ER at 2am with stitches in his chin because of one of those. He went right over the handlebars, on to his face, in the middle of the sidewalk. So please be careful and wear a helmet. I sound like the cranky old lady that lives down the street from you that is always complaining about kids not wearing helmets and the trash pick-up being 15 minutes late and “why are those kids pants always falling down” and Cheryl never returned her tupperware. We know her. I am her now, apparently. Please wear a helmet.

Ok, so let’s get into this. First song, Psycho Killer - Talking Heads.

If you listened to my previous episode that included Radiohead, I said I had to include Talking Heads soon and here I am delivering on that promise. See? A woman of her word. The other night I turned on what I thought was a Talking Heads documentary on HBO, and it was from 1984 or 1986 so I was interested to see the caliber of documentary production. I am a big documentary person and I really love musical documentaries. What are some of my favorites? Glad you asked. I don’t know if these are my favorites - see how I set myself up to tell you my favorites and then I didn’t actually have a list ready to go? Classic. The ones that I watched most recently or stand out in my head are the Bowie (David Bowie doc), Jagged Little Pill (go back to the last episode for some Alanis content), Cobain (the Kurt Cobain/Nirvana doc) and the Billie Eillish doc, which I loved because I didn’t know much about her rise to fame or her life story. I gained so much respect for her as a performer and songwriter after watching that. I digress. So it was a concert film, not really a documentary. David Byrne in his iconic “big suit” just dancing around an empty stage, singing his quirky songs. While it wasn’t a true doc, I still loved it. 

Anyway, this song is a great example of that quirky sound, which I learned has a term for it - something called syncopation which is a variety of rhythms played together, making part or all of a tune or piece of music off-beat. It is "a disturbance or interruption of the regular flow of rhythm" or a "placement of rhythmic stresses where they wouldn't normally occur". Thank you, Wikipedia. A lot of other New Wave groups at that time had a more raw and intense sound, or high-energy, fast-paced sound like The Ramones (talked about them in previous episode, go back and check it out), but Talking Heads kept their upbeat tone, almost like dance music. I guess some would argue it’s dance music. David Bryne wrote a book called “How Music Works” which full disclaimer I have not yet read. But just looking through the summaries (remember Cliff’s Notes? Cliff’s Notes summaries. Bringing me back to college again)... anyway he said basically the way they started writing music was with a jam sessions where they first worked out their musical ideas. Then they took the best bits and decided what worked best as a chorus or a verse. Then they would develop the music more while David put in placeholder sounds for the lyrics to get the rough sounds and melody until he wrote the final lyrics. I love hearing about the songwriting process for musicians because to me it’s such a foreign concept, something that I can’t wrap my head around. The thought of writing something original, from thin air, is amazing to me. Going back to the Billie Ellish doc for a minute, the thing I appreciated about that doc was the time they spent showing her and her brother’s songwriting process. If you haven’t seen it, go check it out. 

Anyway, Talking Heads. Their 1980 album, Remain in Light, was called a blend of “their art school sensibilities with influence from artists such as Parliament-Funkadelic.” The P-Funk All-stars always remind me of the movie PCU. David Spade, Jon Faverau, Jeremy Piven. Great movie. P-Funk makes a cameo and it’s epic. I am digressing a lot today. I am all over the place. 

Back on track now, the lyrics I like are “I can’t seem to face up to the facts. I’m tense and nervous and I can’t relax. I can’t sleep ‘cause my bed’s on fire. Don’t touch me, I'm a real live wire.” Have you ever experienced - or maybe you experience this on the regular, like me - where you are over-stimulated - for me it is usually at the end of the day - and someone touches you and you feel like a live wire. Like, you’ve hit your stimulation quota for the day and cannot deal with any more? Sometimes all I want is a hug at the end of a day and sometimes I am so over-stimulated that I cringe at the thought of a hug until I can decompress. Burnout is real, my people.

Let’s talk about burnout for a minute. We all use that word sort of flippantly, I think, but there are real symptoms of true burnout. Here are some symptoms: Being constantly tired and unmotivated but struggling to rest or sleep. Feeling cynical or like things you’re doing don’t matter or aren’t important. Even fun things are stressful. Suddenly having bursts of energy and productivity and then a big crash. Making careless mistakes. High irritability or snapping. Stuck in “freeze mode” where you are doing something for hours (like scrolling social media) even if you don’t want to. Having compassion fatigue, which is when you are unable to tap into empathy or compassion. Procrastination. 

Burnout can lead to shame. Needing a break can lead to shame. We’ve all been there at one point or another. Burnout can come from so many different places. It can be from our everyday lives of doing our jobs, running a household, traveling, taking care of kids or elderly parents, or just not having enough time to ourselves. Burnout can also compound over time if you’re healing from trauma. After you start healing past traumas and come out of fight-or-flight mode, your body will need a lot of rest. You aren't lazy, your body is just trying to catch up on the calm it hasn't had in years.

If you’re not healing from trauma - big T trauma. Maybe we should define that. Big T trauma are altering life events - illness, assault, abuse - whereas little T trauma are the smaller daily hardships that we all deal with, such as watching the world fall apart, watching children being murdered in a war, watching the world deal with a pandemic. We have had so many insanely intense global events - 9/11, covid, multiple wars, global warming, economic recessions, the list goes on and on. And those are traumas, not in the same way a big T trauma is, but they do wound us. I definitely want to do a whole episode on trauma, but I did want to at least clarify what I’m referring to. So, if you’re dealing with little T trauma, you still can burnout - you still need a break from it all.

A common misconception is "free time" means "available time." We live in a society where we think that we need to be doing something with our free time. In your free time, you should take care of yourself - reset, re-collaborate, rest, regroup. Do not feel like you owe it to anyone to explain how you spend your free time. Don’t justify spending time to heal yourself, to recover from burnout and rest your body, mind and soul. Burnout and the need for rest can lead to shame, but please be gentle with yourself on the days that you are feeling everything. Be gentle with yourself on the days you are feeling nothing. Be gentle with yourself through whatever you are feeling right now. 

Last thing about this song is another lyric that I love, because I feel like it was written for me is, “You started a conversation you can’t even finish.” That happens to me so often. 

Next song, Dance Hall Days by Wang Chung.

This song always reminds me of those amazing nights where you are out with a group of people and everything seems to go right. Like, you’re with a group of people you love - like LOVE - and you’re all getting along and everyone is happy and every place you go to is just the right vibe. They’re playing the right music and you’re having great conversation and everyone is laughing. It’s like a high. I hate to use this word - please don’t come at me, I know it’s… synergy. I am sure there is a better word for it but it feels like synergy. It feels like everything has aligned to make it a perfect night with your favorite people. If I could have a song playing as the soundtrack to my life, I would have this song play during the montage of my friends and I running around, being so silly and stupid, having the best time. This would be the song. Am I the only one who constantly thinks about your life soundtrack? I can’t be the only one. I think about it almost on a daily basis. The plot of my life movie may be boring as hell, but the soundtrack would be a banger. 

The lyrics I like are from the chorus - “we were so in phase in our dance hall days. We were cool on craze when I, you, and everyone you knew could believe, do and share in what was true.” It again just feels like a night out with your people, having one of those nights that you will all talk about or have inside jokes from that night. When I am trying to pick songs for the podcast and thinking about what I want to say, I listen to that song on repeat. And listening to this song on repeat truly made me so happy. I was dancing around my house all day, and I love that music can do that - for our mood, for our perspective and outlook, and for our mental health. 

Last song, Just Like Heaven by The Cure

Have you ever listened to a song 100 times and never really listened to the lyrics? I know the words to this song, have listened to it countless times and never really appreciated the lyrics. They are like poetry. “Spinning on that dizzy edge, I kissed her face and kissed her head. Dreamed of all the different ways I had to make her glow…. Soft and only you, lost and only you, strange as angels dancing in the deepest oceans, twisting in the water. You’re just like a dream.” Damn. Props to The Cure. “I opened up my eyes and found myself alone… above a raging sea that stole the only girl I love and drowned her deep inside of me.” Damn. Damn. So good. And I never really realized - this is poetry, these lyrics. That is why I love doing this podcast. And I hope that you find little gems in these lyrics too, even if I don’t tie each back to mental health topics. We can just appreciate music and songwriting and what it does for us. 

This episode I want to do something a little different and end with an affirmation. I have recently felt the power of doing daily affirmations and how it can help shift my mindset or set my mindset for the day if I do them in the morning. So, if you’d like to repeat them after I say them - if that’s your vibe and it feels good, then go ahead. Otherwise you can just listen and absorb. So, here we go…

Choose to release all negativity from your life and embrace positivity in every aspect. Today, choose joy, and give yourself permission to let go of any negative emotions that may be holding you back. Release all doubts, fears, and worries, knowing that they no longer serve you. You’re worthy of happiness, and deserve to experience peace and positivity in all areas of your life. Be grateful for this opportunity to cleanse your mind and spirit, allowing room for love, joy, and abundance to flow freely. Be open to receiving all the blessings that the universe has in store for you.

That’s the episode. If you liked this episode or any episode, please consider leaving a review and/or subscribing. It’d really make my day. 

Remember, be kind to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the people you love. And remember, you can do hard things. And, of course, please stay chill.