Neo-soul, Indie-pop & Coping Strategies

In this episode, I discuss neo-soul and indie-pop songs, coping strategies and an interesting metaphor for letting go. Hope you will listen and chill out :)

Songs in this episode:

Back in 74 by Jungle,
Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan,
Linger (cover) by Royel Otis,

Say hi on Instagram @positively_chill

Transcript

Welcome to the Positively Chill podcast. Thank you for joining me. I’m Danielle. If you are new to Positively Chill, if you are listening to your first episode, first, welcome. Each week I explore impactful lyrics, mental health insights, and strategies for a positive mindset. I hope it helps you unwind and soak up some good vibes. 

First off, housekeeping again. I am starting to sound like a broken record, huh? But please review, rate and/or subscribe to the podcast if you’re enjoying it. I have to tell you that someone wrote me last week and man, did it make my day. Truly, it was just what I wanted to read. I didn’t start this podcast to make something for the masses or expect to be the next big show. I really was just hoping that a few people would enjoy it and come back regularly. So to read a nice message from someone who listens, validating my wish, was just touching, as silly as that sounds. So, thank you. Another housekeeping note, apologies for any sound issues this week. Long story but I am not great with… not breaking my shit. My tech shit. It is I, the priestess of clumsiness, forever bestowing my gifts of tripping over flat surfaces and magically making things spill. Reigning over the realm of dropped phones and computers. One ring to rule them all. Wait, that doesn’t really work here, does it? But… anyway, I am working with a loaner and doing my best with limited technology this week, so please bear with me. Or you could be thinking, Danielle, this sounds just like every other week, in which case, great and disregard. And seriously, shout out to Otterbox for making the best damn phone cases for us clumsy folks. 

Ok, let’s get into it. I was trying to go for a funk, groove vibe this week, but struggled to find lyrics that I was connecting with, so this week does not have a theme. I just picked songs that I am diggin’ lately.

First song is Back in 74 by Jungle. This song came out at some point last year but I hadn’t heard it until March when they performed at the BRIT Awards, and I was mesmerized by the dancing and choreography that was happening on stage. So I had to go check them out and found their music video on Youtube which has the same choreography and many of the same dancers at the live performance at the BRIT awards. And let me tell you, it’s stunning. I know very little about dance or choreography but I can appreciate something amazing when I see it. First of all, the choreography is so fluid and sexy and perfectly synchronized. And there is something about the lighting - makes it very moody and warm, and the retro costumes, it’s all a masterpiece. Anyway, go check out the video on Youtube. It was choreographed by the Dutch dancer Shay Latukolan who also did the Stormzy “Vossi Bop” video, which is from many years ago but remains a song I love. I am not into US rapper but love British rappers, and that song was one of my first intros to British rap. There isn’t much choreography in that video but what is is great. Shout out to Shay. Very talented guy. 

Let’s talk about the song. First off, I had not heard of Jungle before this song.  They are defined as - in terms of genre - as neo soul, funk and nu-disco. I have never heard neo-soul or nu-disco before, but I love that. It just really describes their soulful, vibrant, retro vibe to their music accurately. This song has an infectious groove and the vocals are so smooth and soulful. It has this very nostalgic feeling, like sounds of the 1970s with funky guitars and synthesizers.

According to the band, "Back On 74" is a warm summer afternoon of a song. One of the band members, Josh Lloyd, said of the song, "It's that feeling of having this place of your life where you grew up, where you had these really fond memories. 74 is a fictitious thing, but for us it's like 74th Avenue or 74th Street or something, where, in your imagination or as a kid, you were playing out on the street. You've gone back to this place and it's giving you this really nostalgic feeling but everything's not quite the same." The lyrics speak to looking back on past experiences with a sense of understanding and growth. There is an element of moving forward and finding lessons from the past.

It takes some real maturity and strength to reflect on our past and learn from our mistakes, especially when we feel wronged, it’s hard to see the reasoning and perspectives of others involved in those situations. It’s hard to let that go. Often the thing that we are holding on to is no longer here. It only lives in our mind. There are no longer any consequences to it, only in the rehashing of it in your mind. A quote I really love is, “Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive.” 

One of the things that I have been thinking about lately - the past week I have been at the beach and there are a lot of riptides happening, which isn’t uncommon. The lifeguards usually post signs that there are riptides and limit the swimming. Anyway, riptides can be the scariest thing ever. The ocean is unforgiving and can be the most terrifying place, at least for me. I do swim in the ocean but I know that at any moment, at all moments, I am at its mercy. So riptides, if you are not familiar, are strong, localized currents that move the water away from the shore, cutting through the breaking waves that are moving towards the shore. You can sometimes spot them because they may appear different from the surrounding water - you will see darker, murkier water because the sand is being carried out to sea. But the surface of a riptide can be relatively calm compared to the surrounding areas with breaking waves, which is deceptive. Sneaky ocean. And the wild thing is that rip currents can move at speeds of up to 8 feet per second, so you don’t want to f*ck them. The ocean is like, “f*ck around and find out.” Anyway, science lesson over. How does this relate to mental health, you ask? Glad you asked. Many people mistakenly think riptides pull swimmers underwater, but they actually pull them out to sea. If caught in a riptide, don't try to swim directly back to shore against the current. Swim parallel to the shoreline until you are out of the current, then swim back to shore at an angle away from the current. So, you are almost making a quadrilateral shape. So you’re probably like, “Danielle get to the point, enough with the water safety.” Well, I think it’s so interesting that our instinct is to swim back to shore when actually we have to swim farther out to survive. We panic and think “get me back to shore” and in fighting the ocean, you get more stuck until it pulls you down. It’s like letting go; it may feel counterintuitive and painful and like it leaves us vulnerable. But letting go is what is going to allow us to move on, heal and receive, as the quote says. Food for thought and also some helpful tips on water safety. 

Next song is Good Luck, Babe! by Chappell Roan. This artist is my new favorite. She’s my spirit animal. She’s my hero. She is unapologetic and fearless, and I’m here for it. For those of you who don’t know Chappell yet - you will soon, I’m sure - but she’s a queer pop icon. You will know her soon if you don’t. She’s leading “a lesbian pop renaissance” as a music critic from QBurgh, an LGBTQ news site, said of her. Epic. Anyway, this song is about someone being non-committal - one of the lyrics is “I don’t want to call it off but you don’t want to call it love” - and the struggle of that kind of relationship, going back and forth on what to do. I just love how well these lyrics capture the feelings of that frustration, when someone isn’t all in and you are. Damn, it’s such a terrible feeling, right? More specifically, Chappell said this song is about a woman she dated who was denying her sexuality and she said the lyrics are about compulsory heterosexuality, which is so refreshing - maybe that is not the word - but it is interesting to hear lyrics about the nuances of sexuality and cultural pressures of sexuality. Any art - not just music - about being queer… Well, I’m here for it. The lyrics I like are, “I just wanna love someone who calls me baby. You can kiss a hundred boys in bars, shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling. You can say it’s just the way you are.” Sometimes I forget - because I live in a very progressive city that has a very strong LGBTQ community - that some people still have to deny their feelings and sexuality, that it is not accepted in many places, which is absolutely heartbreaking. And, of course, that leads to mental health issues when you feel shame, the need to hide, the need to be someone you’re not, the need to perform, the need to lie. I hope that artists like Chappell and her music can start conversations about acceptance - as all art can, but I think music has a special way of doing that. Songwriters can be vulnerable and lyrics can so deeply touch fans. Sometimes I feel like lyrics are written just for me but I know that at the same time they are written for everyone and so many other people feel the same way I do and are identifying with those lyrics. Not about sexuality or love or anything in particular, but just in general, music can be so universal and yet so intimate at the same time. One of her other songs, Pink Pony Club, has a lyric that I really love and that’s “I heard that there’s a special place where boys and girls can all be queens every single day.” I love that lyric and I wish that that special place was everywhere. I am realizing now as I am saying this that I missed an opportunity to do a Pride-themed episode for Pride month. Ahhh. Well, next year, for sure.

Anyway, this song was released as a single back in April so it is not part of any of her previous albums, but one of her albums is called The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess. What a great album name, right? I just love that name for some reason. Another song of Chappell’s that I have been consuming all summer is Red Wine Supernova, if you haven’t heard her music before, check that one out too. And if you’re a Fiona Apple fan, you will love the tone of Chappell’s voice. Her voice has always reminded me of Fiona Apple’s. It took me listening to all of her songs - literally all of her songs - to figure that out. I couldn’t pinpoint who her voice was reminding me of. I even Google’d it hoping that someone else had the same question. But Google failed me. But it wasn’t until I heard one of her older songs, School Nights, that I heard it. I knew instantly that it was Fiona I was thinking of. Not that their music is similar, it’s just something with the tone of their voices. Anyway, big fan of Fiona over here.

Last song is a cover that you may have seen circulating on social media. It’s Linger by Royel Otis, which is originally a song by The Cranberries. There isn’t anything especially… special about this cover. Especially special. Geez. What I mean is that the original song is so iconic and immediately recognizable, and this one is… not like that. Dolores O’Riordan - the lead singer of The Cranberries - may have one of the most recognizable voices ever, in all of music history.  But even though it’s not like the original, I still love it. Maybe that’s why I like it so much. I am not explaining this very well. A+ for articulation today, Danielle. Anyway, this song is somewhat similar to Good Luck Babe, in that it’s about someone not reciprocating feelings. The lyrics I like are “I thought the world of you. I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong. If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie, those things wouldn’t be so confused and I wouldn’t feel so used. But you always really knew, I just want to be with you and I’m in so deep. You know I’m such a fool for you.” Songs about this type of heartache really get me for some reason. I supposed if I unpacked this there is a reason why. But this feeling of being “in so deep” with someone and those feelings not being reciprocated, to me, is more tragic than other kinds of heartbreak. I suppose it’s because there is a feeling of helplessness that I identify with. If I unpacked it and sat with it, I am sure I could come up with memories of this feeling, which is why I am drawn to these kinds of songs so much. I bet I’d also have memories of not coping very well with those situations. So maybe I won’t unpack them.

But it brings up an interesting question or thought. How should we cope in those situations? How do we cope in general, not just with heartache or romantic relationships? Do we have healthy ways to deal with stress, conflict, pain, frustration, rejection, etc? So let’s talk about coping. I think some people may think “I’m not good at coping” or “I am good” which is very black and white, and nothing in mental health or in life is black and white. No one is “good” or “bad” at it, but there are strategies and techniques that are better suited for healthy mental wellness. 

Adaptive coping is when we deal with stress through things like optimism, solutions-based actions, creativity, flexibility (changing our expectations to better fit the situation), reaching out for support, regulating stress-related emotions, and taking actions to reduce stress, such as deep breathing, movement, and mediation. Maladaptive coping is when we deal with stress by seeking temporary relief with things like alcohol, drugs, sex, numbing, excessive daydreaming, risk-taking behavior, self-harm, or avoidance. And on top of that, we don't address the root of the problem. This is likely to be in our toolbox if there has been overwhelming stresses in our life, trauma as a child, and/or exposure to emotional devalidation. And for a lot of people, we use a combination of adaptive and maladaptive coping skills in our life. Maybe we can use adaptive coping techniques for stresses at work, but maladaptive in our romantic relationships. It’s finite, it’s not black & white. It can be a weird little Venn Diagram. Or we could go through periods of maladaptive coping because we lack the resources or tools. 

So how do we move from maladaptive to adaptive? First, before anything, just merely identifying maladaptive behaviors is key. Like with anything in mental health, just even identifying, recognizing and flagging a behavior is the first step to changing that behavior. Awareness and also being able to identify the trigger will help greatly, before even thinking about adjusting behaviors or developing new coping skills. As I mentioned before, adaptive coping strategies include physical exercise, meditation, and breathing techniques. But there are other ways too, such as creative outlets like art, music or any creative outlet that can replace a negative behavior. And I say negative in quotes because if we are coping with, let’s say sex, that’s not a negative behavior, but using it as a coping strategy is, so that’s the difference. We need to find new behaviors to replace the old ones and establish healthy routines and self-care like nutrition, adequate sleep, etc. All those things we already know are important for overall mental wellness. I find that having routines really helps me deal with stress, and even though the routine is the same - and honestly sometimes makes me quite boring - I look forward to it. I think knowing that I will have a routine and a way to deal with the stress - knowing that I can cope with it better - actually makes me less stressed, if that makes sense. It’s like removing the guesswork makes me less stressed. Terrible example or metaphor but it’s like wearing a uniform to school or your job. You know you are going to wear it and not have to think about what you are going to wear so that takes some of the mental load. Some of that mental energy you would spend on that can be freed up for other things. Other strategies include setting small goals and journaling, if that’s something you like to do and find helpful. I always find journaling actually stresses me more because it’s not something I enjoy doing. I feel like it’s forced and so then I get anxious about adding it to my routine. So personally, I don’t find that as helpful as some of the other behavior changes or routine changes, but if journaling works for you, then that’s a great way to move from negative to positive or maladaptive to adaptive, to use the better terminology. I shouldn’t refer to it as negative and positive or good and bad. 

And some of these coping skills are just based on maturity. If you have kids, young adults in your life who are struggling in this way, not doing a great job coping with everyday stress, some of it is just based on maturity and life experience. When I was a freshman in college, I had a rough first semester and was, in hindsight, slightly depressed, and definitely using maladaptive coping mechanisms. And on top of all the self-numbing, risk-taking behaviors, I just had this really aloof attitude to all my relationships, which I assume was avoidance. I wish I could say that I worked to change behavior and developed more adaptive coping skills, but in reality I think I just matured. Not in one semester but gradually. I changed my situation, changed the way I perceived my situation (which was helplessness), and by taking control and feeling XYZ, I was able to cope better. So it’s not just about behavior changes but also attitude changes. A positive mindset can change your world. 

Like the previous episodes, I’d like to end with an affirmation. If it feels good to repeat the affirmation aloud - if that’s part of your journey - then do so, otherwise please just listen. The affirmation will be at the end.

Thoughts are not facts. Don’t believe everything you think. Your mind can sometimes play tricks on you, distorting reality with negative or irrational thoughts. Remember, you have the power to challenge and change these thoughts. Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. Practice mindfulness and self-awareness to discern between helpful and harmful thoughts. Replace negativity with positive affirmations and focus on the present moment. Trust in your ability to navigate through mental clutter and find clarity. The affirmation is “I am in control of my mindset, and I can choose thoughts that empower and uplift me.”

That’s it. That is the episode. Next week I will be off for the US holiday but will be back the following week. For all my US listeners, happy 4th. If you’d like to connect with me, send me a note on IG at @positively_chill - I’d love to hear from you.

Remember, be kind to yourself. Show yourself the same grace you show the people you love. And remember, you can do hard things. And, of course, please stay chill.